It feels like it has been so long since I have posted but it has been quite busy for us. I ended up having surgery and have pretty much been off my feet for the past 5 weeks. That has kind of put a crimp in our outings. I am posting just a few photos from Easter with Mark's family and a few photos of Matthew at a birthday party with his beaming smile.

He is doing so well right now, I feel like I have to pinch myself at times. We went to Irvine Spectrum yesterday (they have complimentary wheel chairs) and as wandered around we were reminded of when we used to go with Mark's parents. We never let Matthew out of the stroller as he was a HUGE eloper and when we took him to the water area we had 1 person at each entrance to catch Matthew while he ran aimlessly towards every exit. Yesterday he calmly walked along side, even pushing the wheelchair at times and chatting about the mini-schnauzer he wanted us to buy at the pet store. He has come so far, I often look at him and can hardly remember those difficult times. His progress has been nothing short of a miracle. Still, we have issues we are working on but I now know that there is nothing Matthew can't over come.
Mom and Dad are proud of you Matthew! We love you!

Mark and his brother

Matthew and cousins

My little thrill seeker

Wahoooooo!

Oops!

Matthew has anxiously been waiting for March 12th to arrive, the re-opening of the Matterhorn. He has been trying to hard in school we wanted to give him a big surprise and take him Friday night. Here is that precious face on his favorite ride.

His second favorite is Thunder Mountain.

And this is where the photos of that night as well as the fun came to an end. I was standing on a bench trying to take pictures of Matthew, and as my sister eloquently put it, while trying to snap some photos I snapped something else, my achilles tendon. Fun.

The worst was that I broke my camera lens when I fell. Thankfully, my sister and brother-in-law replaced it for which I will be eternally grateful!
Thanks Keiko and Rob, we love you.

My little Mario Andretti

Since it did not rain after all today we ventured over to Boomers for Matthew's new favorite thrill....driving go carts with Dad. He had such a good time.

For those who know Matthew well.....this is him standing in line and waiting his turn. Wow!

Getting ready to rip up the road!

Matthew feelin' the need for speed!!!!

Snacks with Dad after a few rounds of racing.

We had such a great weekend and it was nice to be able to see Matthew fully able to participate in activities and enjoy them. He is so much more in control and regulated. In all honesty there are some concerns we have noted since starting meds but overall, we feel that for now, he is reaping much benefit. I wish that things were easier for Matthew but my little trooper never gives up and always forges ahead. He makes us so proud!

As Mark was putting him down tonight he says"Daddy, do you love me?"
Matthew......the answer is Yes! More than anything in the world!

Seeing is believing

This is a video clip of Matthew taken by his shadow. This was right after the teacher called 4 names to do a project. I could hardly believe it when I saw this the first time. I still get teary every time I watch this because I see Matthew so calm, able to control his impulses and able to participate like the other kids. It is such a big step for my little boy.
I could not be more proud (yes, even the part when he picks his nose).
Great job to the best boy ever!
I love you so much!

At last......

It has been a few weeks since I have posted anything; I just haven’t had the heart to. The past 6 weeks have been absolutely grueling. Certainly the most difficult for Matthew, but excruciating for Mark and I to watch. In addition to autism, Matthew has severe ADHD. He is such a smart boy but has tremendous hyperactivity and a total inability to focus and attend. We have seen Matthew struggle so hard in this area to do things that come naturally to typical kids, it seems so unfair because we know how hard he tries. It has become more pronounced than autism lately. Honestly, we were frightened at the quick regression happening in front of us recently as well because of his ADHD. After 2 years of wrestling with the options, we came to a decision. We felt that for Matthew, the best help we could give at this time was to address his ADHD….. through medication. To that end we were willing to try this avenue in the hopes we could give Matthew some relief. His self esteem was taking a beating as everyday was a battle at school for focus and extreme hyperactivity which he was not winning and he was acutely aware of this. It breaks my heart to hear him tell me how sorry he is and that he promises to try harder. Using meds was not how we envisioned things but we tried everything we could (diet, biomedical, naturopath, homeopathy, therapy, OT, sensory integration, HBOT, supplement, herbs, etc.) to no avail. We found a wonderful doctor that was able to give us support and guidance and the courage to try this. The first 6 weeks were awful, I saw my son exhibit behaviors that we had not seen in years and even pulled him out of school because the staff was having such difficulties with him. I could see in his eyes his discouragement and frustration as the meds were initially making a tough situation much worse. I imagine he must feel like he drank and entire pot of coffee and can’t stop moving, shaking, feeling on edge and acting out. He stopped sleeping through the night and Monday I hit the wall. He woke up at 1am and could not get back to sleep. I felt such guilt! What had I done to my child? I was ready to throw in the towel.

I spoke with our doctor who encouraged me to wait one more day………Wow.!!!! The clouds went away and the sun came out. If I did not see it with my own eyes, I would have NEVER believed it. Matthew was calm (for him) and in control. The mania and frenetic behavior was gone and he seemed to be at ease. Literally, the very next day! I sent him to school the day after and his aide was in tears as she told me of the composed, calm child she was seeing. He was able to focus and soak in the events that were happening around him. His teacher was thrilled and I love seeing the smile on Matthew’s face each day since when he hears “Matthew had a GREAT day today. Good job!” from the staff. With the ability to have some calm, we have had some great language too. This was our conversation on Wednesday night:

Me: Matthew, time to go to bed.

Matthew: Mom, I jus’ wanna play with my Leapster, watch 106 (channel) and reyax (relax) on the couch.

I was so excited of course I let him. What a great sentence. I know our work is far from over, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel and it has gotten brighter every day this week. I am aware that as children grow, the chemistry in their brains change which results in certain meds becoming ineffective resulting in starting this difficult process over, however, I know that our decision was the right one and a large step forward in Matthew’s progress, regardless of how hard it may seem at the moment.

To celebrate a great weekend, I made Matthew one of his favorite desserts, GFCF chocolate covered strawberries! His face tells it all!

Matthew, you are remarkable and I love you. You have taught me so much and you inspire me. You are extraordinary and there is nothing you can’t do!

I am blessed to be your mom!

Rainy Day Fun

Matthew was just itching to put his rain boots to use and go puddle jumping when the rain eased up. He had the best time and is waiting for it to rain so he can go again.

His smile and laugh are so contagious, it made Mark and I want to put on boots and join him.

It was such a welcomed time after a very tough week. Very tough...... I hate autism. It feels like we can never completely escape it and just when we feel like we can exhale, it comes back in full force. It just isn't fair. I know I need to be so thankful for the progress he has made, somehow it just doesn't seem enough. My son should not have to work so hard just do do the same things a typical child does without a second thought.
I see his beautiful smile and I know that we will never stop trying until his recovery is complete, in all honesty no one works harder than he does to that end.

Weekends

Matthew had an extra special date at the park last week.....Danny!

Matthew was so excited and as we waited, he watched every person who walked towards the park and said "Nope, not Danny yet". When he did see Danny in the distance he ran to him and it seemed that no time had passed. Danny and Matthew have a special bond. I can't imagine where Matthew would be without Danny's influence in his life. They were together Monday through Friday for over 2 years and through lots of rough days.

We love you Danny and will always be grateful for you!

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Sunday we were so excited to take Matthew to "Snow Day" at the Great Park in Irvine.....until we got there. There were HUGE lines, it was over crowded and barely any snow. Still, Matthew was happy to be there.

Matthew and Dad attempting to build a snow man with the little bit of snow they could muster.


As meager as the man made snow was, Matthew still had fun. Just check out his smile.

He thought the igloos were so cool. What a handsome boy!
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An update for HBOT, we have put it on hold for now. HBOT can increase stimming behaviors and even though we saw gains we are now struggling with stimming behaviors that we had not seen in months. Lots of perseveration, verbal stimming, echolalia and lining up of toys, etc. I guess it always feels like you take 2 steps forward and 1 or 1 1/2 steps back. I love Matthew so much and just wish it were easier for him, it hurts to see him struggle. He had an exceptionally bad day at school today and as I scolded him he said "I am sorry Mommy. I try harder. I have a hard time". Just about broke my heart. I am so proud of my incredible son and I will do whatever it takes to help you reach that amazing potential I see in your beautiful face.